When coming to Cannes, my expectations were high, as in through the roof. As the most elite and exclusive film festival, I anticipated watching films that exemplify the best of the best, incredible movies hand picked amongst thousands of options, premieres and restorations and special screenings. So I won’t mince words when I say this: Caligula: the Ultimate Cut, is genuinely one of the most horrible and offensively bad films I’ve ever seen, and I’m disappointed in Cannes’s choice to screen it, but more so I’m disappointed in myself for wasting a precious evening watching it — I would have been better off asleep, or genuinely doing anything else.
The filmmaking behind Caligula is much more fascinating than the film itself. Financed and produced by Penthouse founder Bob Guccione, at the time (1979) it was the most expensive independent film made in history, having to double its budget due to a slew of unexpected costs and issues. Gore Vidal wrote the original script, and fought to have his name removed from the work due to the director, Tinto Brass, scrapping much of his writing. However, Tinto Brass was also very displeased with the final product of the film, as the producers did not let him have any control of the edit. They changed much of his intentions, and added many unsimulated sex scenes into the film, which both Brass and Vidal opposed.
Thomas Negovan, who worked on restoring the film, intended to follow Gore’s original script more so than the versions imagined by Brass and Guccione, and wanted to highlight the actor’s performances above all else. He spent 3 years just studying 96 hours of footage, and the next 7 crafting the restoration. I wish I could say the fruits of his labor came through. I haven’t seen the original cut of Caligula, which is considered one of the worst films of all time, but I can indeed affirm that Caligula: The Ultimate Cut is one of the worst films I’ve ever seen.
Caligula: The Ultimate Cut is an erotic historical drama, taking place in Rome in 37 AD, following the Roman emperor Caligula (Malcolm McDowell) as he comes to power. However, despite the barrage of sex scenes, there’s absolutely no eroticism to the constant barrage of onscreen sex and nudity whatsoever. Most of it is far too violent and uncomfortable to be arousing for any sensible person, with scenes of rape and beastiality. The rest just falls flat because of how utterly unsensual the film is. I was at first uncomfortable, but quickly found myself desensitized and agitated by the continuous, meaningless onslaught of sexual overindulgence. Sure, it fits the narrative and the characterization, but doesn’t make it tolerable for the viewer to sit through. If anything, these scenes make the film even more painful and dull, taking the life out of ideas that had potential to be compelling, overloading to the point of excess. There’s only so much debauchery one can take before it loses its appeal, of which Calligula never established in the first place. I usually scoff at twitter’s nonsensical discourse decrying sex scenes in films and urging for censorship. Watching this movie made me think they may have a point if they’ve only seen sex scenes in movies that are like this.
Caligula has a star studded cast, with some of the best British stage actors of the time. Malcolm McDowell stars in the lead titular role of Caligula. His soulless blue eyes pierce through the screen, and yet he definitely seems to be phoning it in, especially compared to his performance in A Clockwork Orange just a few years previous in 1971, a similar character to Caligula, albeit one with more depth to work with. Caligula is derided as a reptile by others, he’s childish, impulsive, and detestable, mad with power, executing anyone and everyone on strange whims. He has a certain sass and rebellious nature, pissing off the senators by creating a royal brothel, selling sex with their wives to increase his fortune. Although McDowell’s performance is consistent, and certainly not the worst part of the movie, it isn’t nearly enough to carry the film through its excessively tedious runtime of almost 3 hours.
Helen Mirren is absolutely wasted and her talent is criminally under-utilized in Caligula: The Ultimate Cut. Although the audience is treated to plenty of her beautiful body, she doesn’t do much beyond being present for much of the film. She’s left with little to work with character wise, playing Caligula’s wife Livilla, a smart, capable, and intelligent noblewoman, despite Caligula’s true love being his sister Drusilla, played by Teresa Ann Savoy, an open secret in all of Rome. There’s a horrifyingly hilarious explicit scene where we see Livilla give birth, high up in a throne wearing a mask of gold. Moments after the birth, Caligula announces the birth of his son, only to be informed it is a daughter. He is stupefied for a moment, and then carries on as if he had never bellowed out for all to hear his arrogant mistake.
Orson Welles was offered a million dollars to star in Caligula, an unheard of, historical sum for the time. He refused on moral grounds, and made the right choice. Caligula: The Ultimate Cut, advertised as a better, more artistic version of the original film, is grueling to sit through, offering nothing in terms of entertainment value nor intellectual engagement. And I’m not the only one displeased with this new cut. Tinto Brass is threatening legal actions against the restoration’s production company Penthouse films, expressing a deep displeasure with it. Still, I am convinced that no matter how you edit those 96 hours of footage he shot, I doubt a cohesive, compelling film could be made from the drivel. Maybe a 5 minute short, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. While Caligula may be a cult classic, the ultimate cut has no business being included in the Cannes Classics programs. There’s so many actual works of cinema far more deserving of the honor.